Purple Lace and the Silk Monkey Paper Airplane

ob·so·lete

2011-10-18T14:54:00.000-05:00

What is really thought of us? If the tables were turned what would the important and useful creature be negated to?

We’re Not in Kansas anymore

2010-06-19T09:35:00.002-05:00

Maybe if I become more reckless with my life

The pieces of the puzzles will fall just right

If I shake up the monotony like a snow globe

I could just leave bread crumbs to find my way home

It’s been proven to work historically 

And I know that no one can see my trail besides me

All we have to do is find our North Star

To begin to trace the outline of who we are

All of the things that have ever happened 

Take that energy and make a brilliant reaction

So much we mix toxic acids into our test tubes

Preventing ourselves from doing what the best do

Take life at face value be who you are

Don’t take things for granted and that will be your North Star

The Yellow Brick Road goes on from there

Bothered by obstacles, you blankly stare

Your vision flickers out like lights in a stadium

Your best memories are merely what you make of them

You could think of them as armor worn by a knight

Shielded by bravery you can’t back down from a fight

Gravity becomes a frozen pond for you to skate on

Gliding over the possibility that anything could possibly go wrong

So you fight 

You thirst for blood 

Ravenous just feels right

You’re doing everything good

You’re doing everything can

Oh my god! You HAVE to understand

Life is a merry-go-round and nothing is ever for certain

I feel like I have been upside down my whole life and now my head is hurtin

I have thoughts that are clawing their way out

I have to show the world what I’m talking about

So now I walk down the yellow brick road 

Shielded by courage and a ripe mind to mold 

With a sense and strength I still feel empty in my chest

My heart is frozen over, what can I say? I’m doing my best

It hurts to think and it hurts even more to love

We are surrounded by fake handshakes and super shallow hugs

How am I supposed to find peace in the simple fact,

That everything you give me is eventually taken back

I want to be trusting

I want to let people in

Not that I’m “judging”

I just don’t think I can be hurt again. 

I hear music that sounds so beautiful

My body feels tingly which is different from the usual

Tears fall from my heart 

As the ice begins to melt

This is so different from the start

I’m feeling this life in a way I have never felt.

So this is what it means to be free?

You see beauty that you never thought you’d see

You are flying with the stars and pressing on

You are on your way home now so it shouldn’t take that long.

Not long at all for you to realize

That the person you thought you were is just a disguise

So we’re off to see the Wizard

The wonderful Wizard of odds

Rebelling against the world and finding our own cause. 

I’m excited about the premiere and I hope there is going to be a sequel

I just want to live my life freely and always see the beauty in all people….

Drown in my own Tears (Crushed by the flood)

2010-05-21T11:08:00.003-05:00

If I drown in my own tears what would the cost be tonight?
If I followed my own advice would this then feel alright?
Everything is bubbling inside me like a volcano
And I know what I’M feeling but what would they know?
They try to tell me that it’s not alright
When I know what’s right for my life

For every negative emotion I am as free as a bird
Everything your throw at me I’ll pretend I never heard
Once words leave your mouth they then reflect the past
So I will file all of your bullshit right here in the trash
Do you get the picture?
Is it clear enough?
I wouldn’t want to confuse you
Am I coming off a little rough?

It’s ok poor baby, mama will be home soon
Just go play with your toys up in your room
Oh you don’t like being talked to like a kid
Here’s some spilled milk, take a look at what you did
You won’t clean up your mess
So I have this fear in my chest
I need arms to wrap around me
But you’re toxic so get the hell from around me

I am not helpless or a charity case
I just need for you to get the F out of my face
I am starting to believe I could live without a conscious
Because if I let the water flow you all would have lost it
You all could be burned by the fires from hell
So that burning skin you detect is your own god awful smell.
There are bones piled up high in your closet
And you are telling me that I should be the one to forfeit?
I am trying to be cool but you aren’t making this to easy
I stay quiet so if I really told you this you never would believe me.

So if I drown in my own tears would it be just what you need?
So that YOUR conscious will begin to intercede.
I just need to know that you are on my side
But I don’t feel it so I will drown in my own tears tonight.

Tic Toc

2010-05-07T16:26:00.002-05:00

Their ears are so caloused that they can't hear me scream

Faces that stare so blankly could never understand what I mean

Entirely consumed by fear and loathing yet far from Vegas
No one really wanted to do it, they just made us

We follow in line like ants working to bulid up their colony
But when I look back to find there is no one following me

Move man, move!!!
There is no time to waste
They are coming to steal your thoughts
Switch the good for the bad until it's all been replaced

I am window shopping for a new right
Because the old one leaves nothing desireable to the sight
All I seem to come up with is a handful of wrong
Which makes perfect inspiration when I want to put it down in a song
There is no end to my eternity
There is only mystery and that's the thing that concerns me

We are sword fighting in a dark room and no one cares who gets hurt
Every day that we pretend not to see, the situation grows worse
Fight fire with fire is what daddy always said
That's why everyday thousands of people end up dead

New House

2010-04-13T09:36:00.000-05:00

The blanks need more definition
And I can’t fill in anything without your permission
You could say I need you like a watch needs batteries
And in times of turmoil I’d like to be able to escape with ease.
If we could turn it all around and rearrange this room
Then get some better lighting in here, the flowers may bloom
If we just open some windows because the air is too stuffy
Maybe I can sort through the debris and figure out if you really love me.

It has an attic and a basement but this house is not a home
It’s missing the guts in between which are standing all alone

This puzzle needs more clues because the premise is too hard to grasp
How can you win a race when you are tethered to the ground destined for last?
This mirrored image paints a perfect picture of a past life
Vague recognition of moments in my life lead me to believe I am living it right.
One day the box will be opened and this surprise will be blown
But I am in no hurry because I am patient, I have lived, and I have grown.

My home is always roaming and it’s the prettiest one I’ve seen
I just need to live life fully to fill the spaces in between.

You can’t define space just like its wrong to cage a tiger
Words can hit you like a ton of bricks and shouldn’t be taken any lighter.
It’s your downward force that propels me to sanity
And it helps me realize that there is indeed a man in me.
There is in fact a switch that cuts on all the lights
It illuminates the fountain and brings vibrancy to the night.

So, tonight’s the night to throw a bash to break in the new place
Raise our glasses to this new man, and let the old one fade without a trace.

~Forte

Words fall short

2009-12-29T18:55:00.000-06:00

If I am chasing the sun then I guess you can say that I want the ultimate intangible dream
Then you could also say that we are all chasing nothing in the end and searching for the same thing
So when disaster strikes we are all blindly herded to the same windowless room
With no true sense of time we would all believe in the middle of July that snow is coming soon
You can laugh it off if you want to
But you don't really know who to believe either now do you?

Our parents are right but they are just teaching as they were told
This game of telephone can make the newest wrongs seem like rights from the days of old
This damn pimp of a government is surely on a roll
We are like pilots flying drunk, we have no control

Different types are trees are still considered a tree
So why can't different kind of "me's" make up a family?
Even the "good book" says that I won't remember you when this is done as you were here
So why can't we just exist and you let me be myself so that my message comes out perfectly clear?
I am a conductor of this symphony and I am working on a masterpiece
You are the negativity that is root cause of my disease
The one that even the doctors can't figure out
You know the one that is fueled by all of your doubt?

Oh yeah, I guess since I put it that way then it should make sense
But since you had your ears covered the entire time and you can't read lips, you will never get the hints.

Massage Envy

2009-12-15T01:32:00.002-06:00

I have massage envy because you are not rubbing me the right way
Parts of my body are starting to revolt at the thought of solitary confinement
Begging for freedom mind, body, and spirit with time to play
The reading is just too hard our teacher should have given a better assignment.

Goodbye, it’s been really nice to know you
My hands are numb from sitting on them and my mouth may as well be wired shut
Like poker chips in Vegas my feelings you have blown through
And now my 4 by 4 is a 2 by 4 and has no hope of ever getting out of this rut

We are all an integral part of an infinite symphony where light meets sound millions of times over
We are all representations of chaos standing still long enough to be the beauty in the eye of the beholder
You can call it like you see it because I know for sure that I will
Time is nothing but packing peanuts in which our heads are filled.

It seems like I have lost hope because this world has lost its essence
And I am no longer overcome with the joy of the sun’s presence
If it seems like I forgot what hope means then you are more than likely correct
When you are lost in exploration you never know what to expect
Which ideas to reject
Or which people to protect

Maybe the silver package has the best deal
Maybe they spell out which truths are real
Or maybe it is all left to chance
But I don’t want to leave until I see this mother lover dance!

Just to see everything crumble in on its self
And to see people reaching who didn’t think they needed help
Just for everyone to walk in each other’s shoes
And start piecing together humanity from the hundreds of years of clues.

Soul Reflection

2009-12-07T19:10:00.003-06:00

2002

It's hard to find hope in a life where there is no hope at all
trying to wrestle with sympathy when your heart feels numb
Words to say fall out of my head like pieces to a puzzle from the box that held them safe
But I use them all up on everyone but me, and I am left with the empty box
No reason for myself, no excuses in my head
Just an annoying echo of thoughts bouncing off the walls off my brain
Am I wrong for what I feel, an I abandoned for the way I see things?
Resisting from following the paths everyone has chosen to take
I stand alone, with no shelter to cover me from the rain, no friend to bear the cold with
And the shattered pieces of my soul make up this mirror that reveals the true me
And sometimes I find it hard to look at this broken man that I see.

The Puzzle

2009-12-07T19:00:00.000-06:00

Jan 2002

I don't think I belong anywhere
I am the piece to a different puzzle
I am the weird piece that you can never find a place for
I am vocal about the treasure I seek
I am apart of the spinelessm spiritless meek
All I want to do is be apart of the whole, really I do
to follow along with everything they do
To flow along with the main stream
instead of the winding river bends marked "Quincy"

My own little path I get to follow along
But I realize to have your own river is better than having to conform to a bigger stream
With my own path I can asnwer to my own dreams
I am a unique piece thtat fits once
The big picture is finished, there is always a missing link
Always beauty to be found with each and every blink.

Fire Beneath an Opaque Mermaid fin

2009-11-01T13:29:00.014-06:00

For the love of someone, I keep running into myself!
I get in the way of my own dreams and worry until there's nothing left.

Dear Mr. Johnson,

We would like to inform you...
That your offer has been rejected you have nothing to hold on to
The life you think is yours doesn't make any sense
Your not secure like a Visa so its hard to pay the rent
The choices you make hold you down like a paper weight
Your money is so homo in the fact its hard to get straight

Sincerely, the voice in your head that won't tell you that you've been lied to
And cosigned by the world, following leaders who don't even have a clue
Despite your efforts you can't find the leader inside you
Its written, its printed, its sold so it must be true.

Where there's smoke there's a fire
If you don't know truth that makes you a liar
All we do is search daily for peace
You don't have to give me a mile maybe just a foot at least!

I am happy because I'm free
but I am starting to realize that freedom only exists inside of me
Tethered to the ground by laws I had no say in
So, forced to live a life where I don't know where to begin
We can decide whats right based on moralistic standards
But the laws of human nature come crumbling down soon thereafter.

I can see the currents passing me by
As I sway back and forth staring at the sky
An ant on a mole hill seems the just analogy
I know the sky staring back doesn't even notice me
Within the land of the lost and a world that is tainted
I am a critic judging just how detailed this work was painted

"Partly Almost, and Mostly Not" is what she saw said the Astronaut

2009-06-23T14:09:00.007-05:00

This monster is raveneous and vicious
it basks in the smell of open flesh
Wounds bleed and heads are jerked in suspiscion
I devour my spirit until there is nothing left.

Is it possible to eat a human soul alive
Is it possible to live without the fear I will die
If we worry about the past are we even alive at all
Or re-living moments that would eventually lead to my downfall
We can be the greatest storytellers in our minds
Make up all kinds of pretty shapes and designs
Simply to justify the reason that we feel the way we do
and to put the blame for my unhappiness right upon you

It is my choice to be unhappy
It is my choice to be free
I can consider this hand crappy
Or I can open my eyes and see

I am the paint and my goal is to make art
You can't paint a picture if you don't know where to start
You can't have desire without will
I can't make moves if my mind is standing still
If I think therefore I am
If I dance then I no longer just stand
I don't want to smell of stagnent fish ponds
I will make my flight not too soon before long

I can see the present now instead of a memory
I won't let my past live through me.

That's What She Said to the Deaf Spider

2009-06-10T11:43:00.005-05:00

Sometimes I imagine your face is a mirror
I can see the words I am saying and they don't make sense
As they leave my mouth the message could not be any clearer
That you are not the one for whom I was meant

What I mean is that I don't understand
How hurt could be a part of God's plan
Why must I build up all that I can muster
Just to end up fucked in a cluster.

I mean all at once
All at the same time
I am a circus clown doing stunts
Just to take some of the clouds off your mind.

It was always less about me and more about you
I couldn't do right no matter what I'd do
If I pawed at the moon I could get the tides to change
I would be in a different world nothing would be the same
Every building would crumble at my hands
I just need a cosigner for my dastardly plans.

Vast majority puppets on the brink of Bedrock

2009-06-02T09:09:00.007-05:00

And so I see it

The change that tides bring
The songs that people sing
The dances that people dance
In hopes of a second chance.

It seems so peaceful and serene
To understand the things that I've seen
To wake up and appreciate the sunshine
To realize this day will ALWAYS be mine.

Explosive yet full of fear
I hope the Staple sisters will meet me here
It feels like the place in the song
Where all is well and nothing can go wrong.

I sit by the bonfire watching my life go up in flames
I try to be flexible and show the world my full range
I can be more than a beating heart
You can be a rocket, I'd like to be a comet by far.
Reaching my reality is my destiny
Losing is not a choice for me
So vivid, brilliant, and of this earth
My feet are grounded my actions have been well rehearsed.

I am a space kid who is way above his element
One day I will learn to take this life and cherish it
But until then I will ride out this massive wave of thought
And I will learn the lessons that cannot be physically taught.

I will think of life as a mental exercise
And think of the sky as a resting place for my eyes
Everyone is sitting around waiting for the world to change
Look for reasons and someone to blame.

That's it, that's all I got
Signing off your rocket man space boy stellar astronaut

Unicorn Echo Siren

2009-05-19T10:09:00.003-05:00

Its the echo that drives me mad....

Telling me thing everything that is wrong
Forgetting all of the words to my songs
Bouncing off of light in the darkness
Leaving me all crinkled and starchless
I try to iron out the sound waves
But the echo takes me into crazy ways
I am doing things I wouldn't normally do
I am taking blame for your actions as well as mine too

What am I doing here?
I am blind folded by your fear
I can hear your heart beating
and all sense of courage retreating
Its ok we're going to a better place
Where the traces of this life can be erased
A place where you are forgiven within
For a life of worldly sins
How can we dare to forgive and love?
That is what I think when there are talks of heaven above

We want to make this world a Utopian society
Instead, I would rather just die quietly
Leave no footprint behind as I walk
Who am I kidding that is all just talk.....
It is the echo making me crazy
I hope these echoing halls will one day save me
I am walking toward the light but I still hear voices
Maybe that is the echo of all my bad choices.......

Counterfeit Quarter Life Theif

2009-05-18T08:31:00.008-05:00

If I must I will find it
If I can't I'll make a counterfit
I can copy the original
Without being pretentious and cynical
I won't even take credit for it
Not like YOU really give a shit.

And so I march on down the road most traveled
Looking for shortcuts in the eyes of the lost
And seemingly the only thing that I have gathered
Is that living my life seems to come at a pretty expensive cost.

If I take it before it is built
Can you imprint my name into this quilt?
A patch for my birth would be great
Maybe even a picture to remember today's date
I just want a sense of who I am
Instead of a different me for a different scam.

I mean it is good to be flexible
And to fit in right?
But I can only bend so far
and then I break at night.

You could black out the sun with my fear alone
Like an undercover agent I feel that my cover is blown

The spy has been taken hostage and subject to torture

With the fire burning bright you watch in the darkness
I mean what the hell could you have done?
The spy gathers every bit of courage that he can harness
Looks you deep in the eyes and you realize what you've become.

I was the one who was the rat?
Oh my god I wish I can take it back!
I wish I could make things like they used to be
When I was young and nieve was the way to see.

Empty Room

2009-04-30T15:51:00.002-05:00

I believe that I am not alone in this world
But I know that I am alone in my head
Everything in which I have come to depend
Has swiftly withdrawn its giving type hand
I am not asking for a hand out just a little help up
My brain is tired so I am just a little stuck.

Why does this always happen to me
You shake up my world and let me walk blindly
You take my sunshine away so that I wither in the cold
and you leave me lonely at night with no one to hold.

I figure or I guess it is because you are trying to teach me to be strong
But I don't know how long that I can just keep on keepin on

This world is a disaster and my life a mess
In my forceable future I see a frozen heart buried in my chest
Someone will eventually chizzle it out
Then I will know the feelings I am dreaming about
Then I will know that this world has some hope
Instead of being left behind begging and broke.

I don't want be desparate but I desparately need a way out
I can see my way up
And I don't want to look down
I can fall on my face
But when no one is around
Because I don't want the world to see me frown
I don't want to let the whole world down.
I can live this life but I am a little scared
I'm screaming in a room but no one is there.

You won't find it here

2009-04-01T11:34:00.001-05:00

"If you are looking for answers you won't find them here"
She said
"....things have been strange and quite frankly weird this year"

I have been struggling with destiny lately
And I'm scared she's beginning to hate me
I find peace in time with her
But her constant frown always makes me wonder

Dave Matthews spoke of a space between
But I never thought that space would need to lie between her and me
The void lies there weighing heavy on us like a mountain range
As my hands sweat, my heart beats faster, and my mind races I now understand the word insane

"If you are looking for answers you won't find them here"
She said
"....I won't tell you yes because this is something I have come to fear"

I must be a powerful man because I can cause people to turn from love to hate
And I can make people believe that they should doubt their fate
God did bless me with an amazing talent and I aim to please
I know, I KNOW I have to find a way to cure this disease

I wrestle around with the obvious philosophies hoping to find hope
I live my life contently hanging on to your rope.....
Which actually is not a rope at all but our relationship life line
I know that we will get better with time just like the taste of a fine wine.

"I feel sick to my stomach and no one understands me"
She said
I understand you, and this is something that I want you to see.

What is meant to be will be
What we understand we will learn from
And how we live today will determine how we welcome tomorrow.

I welcome you and whatever may happen in my tomorrow….

Sleeping Alone

2009-04-01T11:33:00.001-05:00

As I am walking down a wooded path
You decide to follow me like you're lost and looking for a way home
You look at me as if I know where I am going
I don't...

We walk without saying a word
Frustration builds up inside of you
Now everything I do makes you angry
If something goes wrong you blame me
You say that you know that this isn't ALL my fault
But you want to be the one who brings things to a halt
Ok......
I get that.

I know that I am the snow ball that turned into an avalanche
I know that if I didn't mess up we would have a better chance
YOU know that we are picking debris up along the way
We look at each other now with nothing left to say
And that is how it ends....
Just like that
Almost 3 years of fun
Begins to fade to black.....

Is our lack of luster that has gotten us lost?
Or was my dishonesty to high of a cost...
We didn't plan for trouble...it wasn't in our budget
Do you care how I feel?.....No? Ok then, Fuck it!

Traffic

2009-04-01T11:30:00.000-05:00

They try to tell you which way to go
But you don’t want to follow them
You want to find your own way out, through this mess
You find yourself stuck behind
An old lady driving too damn slow
But you dare not honk for fear that you may startle her
This is so ridiculous I am going to be so late
To my next appointment, to my next blessing in life
They said it was free
Something called a handout??

If I told you everything was OK
Would you take it in blind faith?
And just believe me? I tell no lies you know you want to
Take a bite of the apple
Take the back roads and coast through life
But you’re too much of a chicken, test me, won’t you, you want to, please do!
Should I turn here?
Or should I cut the lights off and coast into the darkness

Braille

2009-03-24T14:31:00.009-05:00

You can look into my eyes and see that my spark is gone,
when I get goosebumps and you read me like braille.

I want to incite a riot and make people go crazy
I want people to look at me and know that I am amazing
But I don't really think about it much because no one notices
and I don't really smile any more although my smile flourishes.

It is getting kind of hard to hold it in
My happiness is like Texas weather and it just really all depends
There will always be more that I am after
but I will also be associated with time like a slave to its master.

You have to tell me that somethings going to give,
because in this crazy world I don't know if I can live
I will never be happy until they invent the commercial Rocket ship
Take me higher! this grounded life is one I would prefer to skip.
I would skip it like rocks on a lake
and be sure to grab all that I can take.

My hands are sweaty as I try and turn the handle
as I walk through the door and put my trophy wife on the mantle.
Only a trophy because she is my pride and joy
My dreams are locked, loaded, and ready for deploy.

This is my forever so how can I find it?
How do I get passed all of the time already spent?
I dream to wake up in New York under covers
Instead I will wake up at the requests of not mine but others.

Sometime soon I feel it will be my time
And the definition of a man the world will redefine.

Crowd Pleaser

2009-02-10T16:21:00.002-06:00

If I had one last request
I would ask that this load be lifted from my chest
I would ask that my heart pumpmed blood instead of ice
And I would want to learn to love in this life.

If I had to ask for one last meal
I would ask that God and I could make a deal
I would want to figure out why I didn't get this life right
And then I would be OK to go home tonight.

If I had to ask for one last moment
I would ask for one particular key component
The one thing that got me through life
I would ask God if I could hold you if I can't make you my wife.

Just one last time.....

I would rather breathe than die
But I would rather die then to not remember your eyes.
Once all is said and done we will be joined as a family
But I fear that what I am asking for is blasphemy.

I only want the love that was given to me as a teaser
However I also want the love that you give to everyone as a crowd pleaser.
It is only to keep us quiet and content
I didn't mean any disrespect God, I just wanted to vent......

Please don't stop the rain!

2009-01-29T10:18:00.023-06:00

I see rain falling and I can't help but to open my mouth.
I try to keep the drops from reaching their intended destination
So could this mean that it is my nature to fuck up natural direction?
I don't want to hinder natural selection.
I realize that I only seek the best for these little unsuspecting tears from the sky.
I also realize that like in my life, the world is much better if I don't open my mouth tonight.
What could I possibly say to make this situation better?
Nothing that I can say could ever change the weather.

So I can conclude that I would rather devour blood from my tongue
Than let myself be the chosen one.
I don't want to be the one to be the barer of bad news
Because the life that we live is the life that we choose.
There is so much that I can say but so much would still be left unsaid
I don't know how to proceed because I don't know what is going on in your head.
You have an appetite for destruction and a desire to love which is why the sky is bleeding
And You try to make the most of moments that are continuously fleeting.

Someone loves you and you push them away
Only so you can make room for another lover to stay.
That would make since if there wasn't another life involved
And if there wasn't someone crying on the other end of the call.
I am asked for advice and I gave insight to the high road
I wish I hadn't have spoken so soon and so bold.
Because if I could take my words back and prevent the sky from opening up,
I would.

Out of the car I step
Trying to figure out if there are any feelings left.
It has been a while since I have even seen you
and the entire time our friendship I have misused.
I talk to you with an alternative motive trying to steer you clear of your current path
Again I am trying to stop the rain from falling,
No hands on the wheel and both feet on the gas.
Maybe I should never open my mouth
and just hold in the secrets that are trying to get out.
If you never start something you can never mess it up
and if you take on too much you will always end up in a rut.
Trying to stop the rain is a proven disaster
and trying to fix things and just messing them up is a trait I have seemed to master.

Rage against the Quincy machine

2009-01-14T11:39:00.011-06:00

There is a rage that is burrowing deep inside of me however instead of trying to go deeper it is trying to find its way to the light. With the a ravenous hunger it claws its way slowly to the surface. How do I deal with this rage that is masked as a lot of things so that it does not become something that overwhelms me. I don't really want to be a victim of circumstance however I don't really want to ponder the banes of my existence either.
I sat driving in the car and news troubled me to no end. Anxiety kicks in and along with my sweaty hands my heart starts racing but out of anger. This anger made my head spin at a millions miles per hour and honestly I didn't want to leave my room. "It's not always as bad as it may seem," which is what I kept thinking to myself. You can't let your insecurities eat you up inside so bad that your entrails are unrecognizable. I have come to discover this simply because being insecure does you no good. There is nothing that you can say that is worth a dime that comes out of being insecure. The only gifts left by this wicked witch is feeling of depression and emptiness that is also accompanied in the door with a ferocious lack of sleep.
How can these feelings be so powerful? How do these feelings help YOU? Regardless of what you may believe this is not good for you and none of what you are insecure about matters in the end. Every emotion that you are harboring will decay away with the remains of your corpse inside of your pretty wooden box.

Funyon Soup

2009-01-08T11:16:00.002-06:00

We live life to find out what we are scared of
To figure out just how much pain we can take
We live life to understand who we are and where we are going.
No one ever figures this out because they are blinded by love
They wonder how much money they will make
And they don't focus on how much of this life we are blowing.

I want to slow dance on the moon
I want to light my flame with fire from a sunburst
All of my astronomical thoughts keep me grounded.
I took this pill way too soon
I think that it is making my situation worse
And I am staring in the mirror dumbfounded.

You touch me like you have eight arms
All of which you hold me with tightly.
I understand I shouldn't take this lightly
As gravity throws me for a loop ever so politely.

If we live to find out what we are afraid of why not fear nothing?
Is it possible? Or would you not be living if you didn't live in fear.
Why do we fear ourselves? The invisible giant holds us beneath its burly thumb
I want to take my fire and throw it into the mix
Just to see how much damage there would be to fix.
Can I then say that my fear is sunburned? Can fear, fear itself?

This crazy loop is making me sick
Gravity you can be such a bitch!
Why would you torture me in mid flight?
Why would I stare at the ceiling all night?
I paint invisible pictures and piece them together like a puzzle.
Life strangles me with a vengeance
Then only leaves me with the things that I miss.

You listen so well.....

2008-12-19T08:43:00.002-06:00

Hello, I see you staring back at me
Blank pages begging for my pen to bleed
Just something to leave you satisfied
Just scribble something down tonight

I wish I could commit
But I am holding my thoughts prisioner
The warden is on vacation
And there has been no word from the comissioner

Hello, I know what you want from me
This notebook is full of pages waiting to scream
To animate and put emotions with my mood
The thoughts in my head are on the edge and will forever loom

I wish I could strangle my pen
Until a drop of ink spilled out
Then I could proceed
In telling you what I am all about

I breathe deep and push my thoughts over the edge

Pete Yorn says what I can't best....

2008-12-09T15:47:00.004-06:00

Every now and then I get like this
And it isn't hard to see
But the old man in the kitchen
I think he's part of me
Don't say nothing bout the old house
Cos I burned it to the ground
And when the darkness comes, I lie awake
Playing lost and found

All at once
I break my silence
All at once
There's no more hiding
And all he wants
Is to show us how he feels

They're all liars in the back room
Watch them all go down
They can tell you what you want to hear
But they will never stick around
So don't say nothing bout the old house
Cos I burned it to the ground
And when the darkness comes I'll lie and wait
Still playing lost and found

All at once
I break my silence
All at once
There's no more hiding
And all he wants is to show us how he feels

When he comes around
Do not tell him nothing
Do not make a sound
Cos if he knows we're there
He might tear his heart out And beat us to death with it
I was too young to understand.

Great Oddessy Dogmatics

2008-12-07T20:35:00.010-06:00

What makes us want to fight disaster?
It is something that we learn to conquer eventually
I play deaf and dumb to the puppet masters
But I am more of a slave than even I can see
I am a slave to the time that keeps me bound to this world
and a fear of dying in absolute nothingness.
I am a slave to the gifts that are god given..girls
and a fawning for love that keeps us in search of constant forgiveness
I put on my shield for protection as I walk out of the door
in hopes that God will show himself and I will make it through the day
Is it the selfish part of me begging for more?
Secretly searching for God as I cross the street keeping sure to look both ways
I am let down
Or did I let myself down again?
How can you search for answers from beneath a blanket in the hallway closet?
How can you make it through the storm if you are standing in the rain wrapped in aluminum foil?
If we play with fire we are bound to get burned, however if we never get near the fire we never know the true strength of the flickering orange and yellow dancing flames.
If YOU sit me down and lecture me on greatness
I will probably look out the window because you have no relevance to greatness and glory
You are only relaying a childhood happy go lucky story!
How come no one focuses on the bads?
The WTF's?! How about if you don't make it through the pearly gates because the bones in your closet pull you back down to this hell on earth.
Will you still lecture me in faith and trust that your time will come or will you abandon everything that you know out of fear and inability to take blame for your own actions?
IT'S your fault.

Venus De Milo

2008-11-13T15:21:00.010-06:00

"I don't want to wait until the masterpiece is finished I want to be a sculpture." No one wants to start off being a block of clay because it takes too long to mold into artwork. I know that I personally want to be the finished product. I can be selfish a lot in life and I know that. At times we see others who have gone through things to get to where they are and we are ignorant of their progress and we don't understand why we can't have what we want when we want it.

Artwork does not start off as art and I am very well sure that you know that Rome wasn't built in a day. Sometimes when a sculpture is completed it remains just that until something gives it a story to tell and sometimes our lives will radiate once we have have discovered our path. Take the Venus De Milo for example. The left arm was held at just below the eye level of the statue above a herm while holding an apple. The right side of the statue is more carefully worked and finished than the left side or back, indicating that the statue was intended to be seen mainly as a profile from its right. It is hard to say whether or not this would still be worshiped in its grandeur as a piece of artwork had it not "lived" and become what we admire to day.

"What doesn't kill you will make you stronger," is the phrase that we all cling to for comfort through difficult times. We see bumps along the road in life and we believe that it is shaping the character of who we are. We take these bumps and chisel away at all that we were in hopes of getting to our true beauty. I realize this and I believe this with my heart and soul however it is hard being a block of clay sitting in the corner while Alexandros is focusing his time on all of his other projects. However, my opinion will never count for anything and it never will. Only an artist can see his finished product in all of its glory from just a block of clay. If you ask most musicians they will tell you they put the songs on their album that they like and they hope that everyone else thinks the piece is as amazing as they do.

I guess I will leave it up to my artist because apparently my eyes haven't been chiseled yet so I can't see anything anyway.

All in together now

2008-11-13T07:23:00.004-06:00

I believe it
When she says she loves me
When she kisses me
When she holds me

I can tell you she needs me
From what I believe
From what I feel
but are feelings everything?

If I have a feeling that does not mean that you have one too?
If I am crying inside can that mean that you are blue?
I didn't read the fine print and now I expect you to be a mind reader
And I can't expect you to be able to see the future either.

I sit there silent as my thoughts fly out of my cracked window
She tells me the bitter truth, confirming there are things that I don't know
If I still love her through the things that we have been through
Can't the jury see this as hard evidence and solid proof?

Am I hurt or did I truly expect this?
I have no right to try and be selective
I have no right to tell you just what I want to
I guess I hope that my soul is see through

I wish that you could window shop my heart leaving finger prints on my window
Knowing that I am not a god send leaves me confused and wondering which way to go
Can you force destiny?
Can you put faith in me?

I love the way you make me feel but I can't describe it
I put your happiness above mine but that's not the choice I am going to ride with
I want to find a happiness that includes the sad
So that we don't miss out on the fun that we always could have had
So that we are not looking back asking where did time go
But we are in the crowd laughing and enjoying the show

We can do this if we are both all in

Tilted axis and the crazy Gorilla conductor

2008-10-16T09:59:00.014-05:00

The seriousness of the situation,
is that we never know the strength of the opponent we are facing
We like to look at the world figuratively
Instead of realizing that we should say what we really mean
There is a lot that can be hidden behind pride
Emotions can deflect like a shield that we find ourselves hiding behind.

Its crazy
I can't figure it out
I understand that I am weird
but does that mean we have to shout?

I think the noise becomes apart of the silence
The room gets cold and I keep wondering what I did
"Maybe I wasn't quiet enough when I was sleeping last night"
Or maybe the tide and the moon just aren't set quite right
Maybe the aroma of my skin is secreting a deadly pheromone
I thought I was doing the right think but obviously I was dead wrong

I wonder
If my life were a ball could I spin it all backwards?
So I could align it all up and live life more accurate

Sit up in your attic and throw your shit
I will just hang out behind you whenever you're ready to quit
I know we will get older and this will be funny
I am OK with sitting back and playing like I'm a dummy
You can beat me up and I'll be whatever you need me to
But it's only because I feel like I can see right through you

I believe
That I am only as strong as my weakest thought
Recently, I have realized I am not strong and that is why I am twisted
Could my life have come and gone and maybe I just missed it?

Give me a banana maybe even two
I'll show you what this Gorilla can really do
You'd be so surprised it will leave you in stitches
And you can just go off riding brooms with all of the other witches!

I want to start my life with you

2008-10-06T07:57:00.005-05:00

Everything that I do is for the greater good
I believe in myself in ways I thought I never could
One day I am going to give you everything you need
I want to plant emotional and physical seeds
We will grow beyond bounds imaginable
To harness feelings once thought to be intangible
I’m tired of waiting for my courage to catch up with my life
I know I can’t live without you but I am too scared to make you my wife

(What the hell man?! you’re losing her!!!!
She wants to go back to a previous life
That means you aren’t doing SOMETHING right
You’re holding the reigns but with no direction
You’re supposed to be there for her protection.)

I know… I know…. I want things to end happily ever after
I don’t want to even start such a serious chapter
I am scared that I will get lost in the mix
I am scared you meant what you said and really don’t give a shit
I am scared that I will follow down the lonely trail
I am scared like hell that I am going to fail
I am scared that I actually have emotions
But I should bottle my fears and throw them in the ocean

(That’s what real men do you are such a wuss
She wouldn’t want to walk out on you if you knew what it took
You gotta have the right stuff
You have to show her real love
You can’t try to get by on living life selfish
You are heading towards a situation and you can’t help it)

Fuck that you got this
Don’t dare be an accomplice
Don’t watch your life be taken from you
Don’t eat your popcorn and just enjoy the view

Don’t be bitch, be a man about it
Stand on your soap box and leave everyone astounded
Scream loud into the megaphone until your lungs want to quit
Love doesn’t come easy you have to work for it

What is really relevant?

2008-09-24T10:49:00.016-05:00

We as people exhibit the ability to make rational decisions based on our own free will. Which by this we are able to process information and make rational decisions based on the input received. For someone to say that we are supremely impervious to the thoughts and influences of authoritative figures that we look up to would be a false statement. However, I believe that we take what we need to make an informed decision to apply to our personal lives.

Recently, we have been faced with a judge of character placed on Sen. Barack Obama that suggests that we should ignore slightly his ability to make an educated decision as to how he lives his life. (http://abcnews.go.com/Blotter/Story?id=4443788) The allegations are such that Sen. Obama is deemed racist due to the beliefs of his mentor Rev Wright. If I am not mistaken these are men that exist on two different planes of existence and should not be judged as the same person due to association.

We can assume that he is racist based on the actions of others however when you bring up history no one wants to live in the past. How about the presidents who were openly racist up until the civil rights movement and actually past that! When America was in a different place so was our frame of mind. I am not in any way, shape, or form stating that it is OK to be racist and nor do I support the fact that African American racism is justified. On that same token I know that at least 16 out of the first 18 American presidents owned slaves. Well, maybe we should just forget that or look at it as a charity. Those presidents were just looking out for our economy and giving jobs to otherwise unemployed imported citizens. How can I talk so negatively about the past leaders of our country? I must not be American.

I am really impacted by how the people who intend to change our state of mind always end up face up and six feet under. Also, why the lame and uneducated cling to the beliefs that went out of fashion along with Parliaments powdered wigs. I believe that the color lines have been blurred or smudged and made a mess of with the uprising of today's culture. We rely on our elders to teach us the ways of the past but for the wrong reasons. We are supposed to exhibit free will and take this and make a new way for ourselves and not make the same mistakes. Not everyone exercises this right to make choices. Most people are drones who have no direction and so it is easy for them to assume that everyone follows leaders blindly and without question.

I think that we should just face facts and follow issues. Let's at least hear the man out before assuming the unknown and beating him down for something that may or may not prove true. Every one knows what assuming does!